When a child is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, many parents silently ask themselves the question: “Did I do something wrong?” With this text, we say out loud: no, you are not to blame and none of your actions as parents led to the onset of autism in your child.
Myth 1: Autism in a child is the result of poor parenting
Truth: Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition with a biological and genetic basis. No matter what your parenting style is, neither the love you give your child nor the way you discipline and raise them causes this condition. This myth has caused parents pain for decades, but science has long since debunked it. So don’t let the environment convince you otherwise and cause you additional emotional pain. Unfortunately, you can often hear that as parents you “missed something” in your child’s early development. But always keep in mind that the early signs of autism can be subtle and different for each child. There are no unified symptoms. Each form of the spectrum can be different. Even when there is a delay in the moment when you as parents recognized that your child is deviating from development, this does not mean that you were wrong. Recognizing and seeking support is a sign of responsibility.
Myth 2: Autism is a disease that needs to be cured
Truth: Autism is not a disease, but a different way of functioning and perceiving the environment. View autism from the perspective of a neurodevelopmental condition, not from the perspective of a disease for which you will be in constant search for a cure. Instead of “fixing” a child with autism, understanding, acceptance and appropriate ongoing support and professional work are needed.
Myth 3: Children with autism have no emotions, no love, and no connection with other people
Truth: They feel more deeply and strongly than you can imagine. They love the people around them and they love a sense of connection, routine, and belonging. But what is different is the way they express those emotions and needs. While the way they express them may be different, the love, joy, and affection are certainly there, you just have to find the right way to recognize them.
Myth 4: The parent should have “tried harder”
Truth: Parents of children on the autism spectrum often put in more effort, more energy, and more love than their surroundings can see. It requires a complete change in the perception of the future, a complete change in the way parents have functioned so far, both as individuals and in the family community. When nothing happens and nothing comes spontaneously, by itself, but more effort and will are needed to learn and acquire in the child, instead of condemning the parent as “should have tried harder,” offer your support. Small steps lead to big victories, and support increases the parent’s strength. Remember, you as parents of a child on the autism spectrum are not to blame, you don’t have to do everything yourself, you are just doing the best you can with the knowledge and resources you currently have.
Myth 5: “A child will outgrow autism if we just give them time”
Truth: Autism is not a phase that passes with growing up. It is part of a person’s neurodevelopmental profile. Over time, with appropriate professional support and appropriate strategies, as well as support from the family, the educational system, and the environment around them, a child can develop new skills and make significant progress — but that does not mean that autism has “gone away.” Don’t view early support as an admission of defeat, labeling the child, and exposing them to stigmatization, but as an investment in the child’s potential and higher level of functioning in the future.
Prepared by:
Ana-Marija Ciglenjak Simonovska
